In the midst of all the abuse and even after I was a very troubled soul! I found myself drinking and trying out different types of drugs...from marijuana to prescription drugs. I found myself hanging out with the wrong kind of people and getting into trouble with the law. After the rape and molestation became a very promiscuous young lady and did many things that I am not proud of. At the age of 16 I thought I had found my “true love” and our relationship quickly turned into something I had never had before. He treated me better than I have ever been treated by any “man”. Our relationship got very serious very fast and then came to a crashing halt when he put his hands on me. I had to end it; I could not put myself in the position to be abused by yet another “man”.
Months went by an I realized that something wasn’t right and that I didn’t feel the same; I had been very sick and not feeling the greatest, I had missed my period; I realized that I could possibly be pregnant. I then decided it was time to take a pregnancy test. As soon as I urinated on the stick it instantly came up positive. I found myself expecting a child with a man that I was no longer with due to his physical abuse. A day or two went by and I had finally worked up enough courage to let him know that he would soon be a father; he promised me that he would be there for both my child and myself and provide anything that he could for us. I was very naive and believed what he said. I was so happy that he was on my side and that I would not have to go through this alone! He was the first to hear the news…I hadn’t told anyone yet and I didn’t know how they would react. Some time went by and I told my sister and her best friend and we went down to the local doctor to have me tested…again the test was positive…so I went home and told my mother…she wasn’t too happy to hear that her 16 yr. old daughter was pregnant and said some things that were very mean and hurtful. As she spoke I became very upset and feeling pretty ill; I think that is when it hit my mother, I was going to have a baby...she began to cry and she asked me… “Well what are we going to do?” I replied… “Well I want to keep it!” and was very shocked to hear my mother’s reply “well NO SHIT!!! Do you think I would let you do anything else?” I was so happy and relieved by her reply…She told me that we were going to do this together and that everything would be okay. She told me that she would stick by me and help me in any way that she could. Even though my mother was very upset there was no changing the situation and no going back! My family does not believe in abortion, we are very pro life!
About Me
- Raise Your Voice
- My mission is to serve and reach out to victims of sexual violence. I am starting this site to let you know that it wasn't you fault, isn't your fault and never will be your fault. Nothing you could of done, said or wore would justify what you have been through. I want you to know that you have done nothing wrong and that it was not you who acted out of line. I want to let you know that NO means No...No matter what! I understand that these things may be hard to understand and realize but they are in fact true. You are beautiful! You are strong, You are special, You are Important, You are loved, and You are NOT alone! I want you to know that I too have been victim of sexual abuse and I am here to help you get through this. I know you are sad, I know you are scared and confused, I understand that you are angry! Make you voice be heard...make a stand...never give in...And never give up! This person did not break you they only made you stronger and more aware! Remember you are beautiful! You are strong, You are special, You are Important, You are loved, and You are NOT alone!
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Saturday, December 11, 2010
~This is my story~
I am a Daughter, a mother, a wife, a sister, a cousin, an aunt, a great grandchild, and a friend.
I was the second born to my mother and father who later divorced and went their separate ways. My father later remarried and my mom dated and had another child before meeting the man I always called my step dad (they never actually married). At first I lost most communication with my father and then after a while any and all type of communication vanished, so my “step-dad” was the closest thing I had to a father. He took my sister, my brother and myself in as his own children and was an amazing person who did what our dads didn't do.
After a while my mother became pregnant with her 4th child. At the time she found out that she would be having another child life was very rocky and my mother and this man were no longer together, so my mother decided that the best thing for her unborn child was to give him to a family who could give him more then she could, she found an amazing family for him to go to and everyone was just waiting for the baby to be born. After the birth of my brother his father decided that he couldn't give his child up and decided to keep him. Days went by and my mother could not bear that this man was raising her child without her so eventually they got back together and everything seemed to be wonderful and we again were “one big happy family”, we did tons of fun family camping trips, vacations, and fishing trips.
Months went by and we moved to California where my "step dad" was originally from and where his family was still living. This was all a big culture shock and very different to us! Directly after moving to California my mother found out that she was again pregnant (which came as a huge shock to everyone because my mother had gotten her tubes tied with her last child.) My mother had a few complications with her pregnancy and had the baby early. My baby sister was born healthy and strong but my mom was still not doing well. We got to take my baby sister home while my mother had to stay in the hospital. I believe this is where my sister and her father grew their bond. Days went by and my mother returned home from hospital. Not too long after my mother gave birth to her baby girl everything went south!
My "step father" became very controlling and verbally and emotionally abusive to my mother as well as my older sister two little brothers and myself- NO...I didn't leave anyone out....my baby sister was his world and she could do no wrong. What she wanted she got and she was better than everyone else. Through the years the abuse continued to get worse and this man became very physically abusive to me and my other 3 siblings. If we angered him he would grab anything and everything in his reach to throw at us, he would use certain items to whoop and beat us with. He had become a very scary and angry person.
Years went by and what most did not know is things got worse than anyone could have ever imagined for my older sister and me. Our "step father" began sexually abusing us. It first started with small touches and inappropriate things that he thought was funny. Then it turned into full blown molestation. Years went by and not a word was spoken about what he had done and was still doing. We lived in California for many years and the sexual, physical, verbal and emotional abuse continued. We ended up moving back to Idaho. Once back in Idaho, nothing changed and I was still being molested by this man. At the age of 14 I did something very stupid and had sex for the first time. My parents found out-and that’s when he started raping me...
For a little over a year I said nothing out of fear and I don't know what else. One day I was sticking up for one of my younger brothers because he was being punish for something that I didn't agree with and told my "step dad" that if he didn't stop beating my brother I was going to call the cops and I would tell them everything...he went into a rage I had never seen before, something worse than I could have ever imagined. He grabbed a wooden back scratcher and began to beat me, as the back scratcher tore through my clothing and then through my skin I realized that enough was enough and I couldn't take it anymore. I ran and I left. I stayed gone as long as I could, until my mom made me come home that night. When I came home she saw my torn clothes and my beaten body. She couldn't believe what he had done to me, but I don't know what it was that he had instilled into all of us, but we knew to do nothing and say nothing or else it would get worse.
I believe it was the next day that it really hit me, when I decided I couldn’t go home. I had to put a end to all of this and I broke down to my then best friend and told her everything...I told her that he first started with verbal and emotional abuse, calling us names and always putting us down. Then it progressed into physical abuse, where he would beat us, then sexual abuse, where it started with groping, to full blow molestation, to rape. My friend then called my sister who immediately left work and called our mom to take the kids out of the house and meet with her. My mom and my sister drove to a nearby park and let the kids play while they stayed in the car to talk. My sister told my mom what she was told. My mom then told her to get out of the car, and left the park to finally confront this man. Soon after she called me and made me come home! I didn't think she believed me so I went home and I confronted him and my mother face to face where he denied everything that he had done to me but admitted to touching my sister, but my mom knew that if I could confront him face to face it had to be the truth. She told him to leave and to never come back! As he was leaving he grabbed a gun and threatened that if we called the cops he would use the gun. The next day my mother called the cops and reports were filed.
It took forever for them to arrest him and even longer for them to sentence him! And in the mean time he still found a way to try to make us miserable and break us even more. While things were being investigated he was stalking us, Calling our house all day long, leaving horrible messages on the answer machine, sitting in his car outside of our house even with a restraining order. In some twisted turn of events he was offered a plea bargain and after many failed tricks and manipulations by him and his lawyer he took the plea bargain and served 7 yrs in prison and 13 yrs. hanging over his head and was only being held accountable for a minute portion of what he did to us.
I do not feel that he got what he deserved at all, but I am very glad that I stood my ground and raised my voice. I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I will not let anyone control or manipulate me ever again. I am beautiful, I am strong, I am special, I am Important, I am loved, and I am NOT alone!
It now has been 8 years and I am still overcoming this. I will conquer it, and I will not let it get the best of me!! I was a victim but I will not act like one- I will not let him win!!! He didn’t ruin me. He did not break me. God will never give us more than we can handle. I am a survivor.
I was the second born to my mother and father who later divorced and went their separate ways. My father later remarried and my mom dated and had another child before meeting the man I always called my step dad (they never actually married). At first I lost most communication with my father and then after a while any and all type of communication vanished, so my “step-dad” was the closest thing I had to a father. He took my sister, my brother and myself in as his own children and was an amazing person who did what our dads didn't do.
After a while my mother became pregnant with her 4th child. At the time she found out that she would be having another child life was very rocky and my mother and this man were no longer together, so my mother decided that the best thing for her unborn child was to give him to a family who could give him more then she could, she found an amazing family for him to go to and everyone was just waiting for the baby to be born. After the birth of my brother his father decided that he couldn't give his child up and decided to keep him. Days went by and my mother could not bear that this man was raising her child without her so eventually they got back together and everything seemed to be wonderful and we again were “one big happy family”, we did tons of fun family camping trips, vacations, and fishing trips.
Months went by and we moved to California where my "step dad" was originally from and where his family was still living. This was all a big culture shock and very different to us! Directly after moving to California my mother found out that she was again pregnant (which came as a huge shock to everyone because my mother had gotten her tubes tied with her last child.) My mother had a few complications with her pregnancy and had the baby early. My baby sister was born healthy and strong but my mom was still not doing well. We got to take my baby sister home while my mother had to stay in the hospital. I believe this is where my sister and her father grew their bond. Days went by and my mother returned home from hospital. Not too long after my mother gave birth to her baby girl everything went south!
My "step father" became very controlling and verbally and emotionally abusive to my mother as well as my older sister two little brothers and myself- NO...I didn't leave anyone out....my baby sister was his world and she could do no wrong. What she wanted she got and she was better than everyone else. Through the years the abuse continued to get worse and this man became very physically abusive to me and my other 3 siblings. If we angered him he would grab anything and everything in his reach to throw at us, he would use certain items to whoop and beat us with. He had become a very scary and angry person.
Years went by and what most did not know is things got worse than anyone could have ever imagined for my older sister and me. Our "step father" began sexually abusing us. It first started with small touches and inappropriate things that he thought was funny. Then it turned into full blown molestation. Years went by and not a word was spoken about what he had done and was still doing. We lived in California for many years and the sexual, physical, verbal and emotional abuse continued. We ended up moving back to Idaho. Once back in Idaho, nothing changed and I was still being molested by this man. At the age of 14 I did something very stupid and had sex for the first time. My parents found out-and that’s when he started raping me...
For a little over a year I said nothing out of fear and I don't know what else. One day I was sticking up for one of my younger brothers because he was being punish for something that I didn't agree with and told my "step dad" that if he didn't stop beating my brother I was going to call the cops and I would tell them everything...he went into a rage I had never seen before, something worse than I could have ever imagined. He grabbed a wooden back scratcher and began to beat me, as the back scratcher tore through my clothing and then through my skin I realized that enough was enough and I couldn't take it anymore. I ran and I left. I stayed gone as long as I could, until my mom made me come home that night. When I came home she saw my torn clothes and my beaten body. She couldn't believe what he had done to me, but I don't know what it was that he had instilled into all of us, but we knew to do nothing and say nothing or else it would get worse.
I believe it was the next day that it really hit me, when I decided I couldn’t go home. I had to put a end to all of this and I broke down to my then best friend and told her everything...I told her that he first started with verbal and emotional abuse, calling us names and always putting us down. Then it progressed into physical abuse, where he would beat us, then sexual abuse, where it started with groping, to full blow molestation, to rape. My friend then called my sister who immediately left work and called our mom to take the kids out of the house and meet with her. My mom and my sister drove to a nearby park and let the kids play while they stayed in the car to talk. My sister told my mom what she was told. My mom then told her to get out of the car, and left the park to finally confront this man. Soon after she called me and made me come home! I didn't think she believed me so I went home and I confronted him and my mother face to face where he denied everything that he had done to me but admitted to touching my sister, but my mom knew that if I could confront him face to face it had to be the truth. She told him to leave and to never come back! As he was leaving he grabbed a gun and threatened that if we called the cops he would use the gun. The next day my mother called the cops and reports were filed.
It took forever for them to arrest him and even longer for them to sentence him! And in the mean time he still found a way to try to make us miserable and break us even more. While things were being investigated he was stalking us, Calling our house all day long, leaving horrible messages on the answer machine, sitting in his car outside of our house even with a restraining order. In some twisted turn of events he was offered a plea bargain and after many failed tricks and manipulations by him and his lawyer he took the plea bargain and served 7 yrs in prison and 13 yrs. hanging over his head and was only being held accountable for a minute portion of what he did to us.
I do not feel that he got what he deserved at all, but I am very glad that I stood my ground and raised my voice. I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I will not let anyone control or manipulate me ever again. I am beautiful, I am strong, I am special, I am Important, I am loved, and I am NOT alone!
It now has been 8 years and I am still overcoming this. I will conquer it, and I will not let it get the best of me!! I was a victim but I will not act like one- I will not let him win!!! He didn’t ruin me. He did not break me. God will never give us more than we can handle. I am a survivor.
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